What do you do with a $2 half bottle of Vihno Verde? Well you sure as shit don't drink it, you cook with it. But first I bring you Therapy Session #3.
It was a really good therapy session, in the sense that there were a few moments where I felt like saying "out of my comfort zone" and "not ready yet" but I think that's the point, she's getting me started, but not pushing me. This week I have to continue with the stress/anxiety journal, except this time in addition to writing down the level of stress from 1 to 10 (again 10 being "I feel super awesome) I need to write down the thoughts that accompany these numbers,l for example, like when I wake up in the morning and my stress hovers around a 4 I need to write if its because I feel like a fat cow, and I have all this work to do, and when will I have time to get to the store to get some damn groceries. Its okay if the thoughts are random, I just need to write them down, so that we can do "Thought Monitoring" which I've learned is when the therapist looks at my thoughts, analyzes them, determines if they are wrong and then tells me why they are wrong. This should be fun, you know, about as fun as stubbing your toe really.
I shared with my therapist a little story. Last summer I was sitting outside on the deck reading a wine magazine. There was an article that a woman had written chronicling a trip she had taken through France, the article was about food, wine and travel. One day on her trip she wrote that she woke up and for breakfast had warm croissants and paired them with a beautiful champagne. She went on to say that this was the best breakfast she can ever remember eating, and that "you just haven't lived until you've had croissants and champagne for breakfast." I remember this article because I remember saying to myself, "well that's something you will never experience, because there is no way that you would allow yourself to let alone, have a croissant, but to pair that croissant with champagne, in the morning no less, because why don't you just blow your entire caloric wad before you even leave the house." My therapist thought this was very sad, that I wouldn't allow myself, this (in her eyes) minor indulgence. This led to her tell me that at some point we would have "Operation Croissant and Champagne" and I would indeed be testing this theory of self loathing if I allowed myself this moment. But not now, because she knows Julie ain't ready to take on Operation Croissant and Champagne just yet.
I also shared with her that I was scared to run my half marathon this weekend, because I had trained to finish it in 1:45 and I was afraid that I would be depressed if I couldn't make that time. She asked how I would feel if I didn't make it, and I didn't have an answer.
I just got back from my race, and I finished in 1:45:11, so technically I didn't make my time, running a 1:45 means doing it in that time or under, not 11 seconds over. But you know what, after being a little peeved at first, I just don't give a shit, because I had a great time with family and friends that day. I had cheerleaders and an amazing pink sign with my name on it created by Brenna, Anna and Steve, and I had a fabulous time going out to lunch with them after the race. That was what that day was about, not 11 seconds....not 11 seconds. That 11 seconds can kiss my sweaty, salty ass.
My therapist asked if I thought I was a good runner. And I can't believe after 15 years of running I've never told myself that I was good at it. Well, today, I came in 145th out of 1,000. Today I am a good runner.
And here is the recipe - it literally is from the "For Dummies" book, and it was good, its a really good base for a generic risotto, but with all the fresh herbs and peas and asparagus popping up now, I'd play with the recipe a bit, I'd make a spring pea and mint version, or maybe a lemon thyme version or an asparagus version, don't just stick to this carrot celery version, it needs something more.